Jocasta Larksworth (1927–1989)
Out of office. Permanently.
was outlasted by a candle they lit for "just five minutes"
Departures
Showing 21–40 of 67 departures
Chauncey Zipperbeck (1951–2009)
Told you they weren't feeling well.
fell asleep during a mandatory HR training and never woke up
Pandora Gaggleworth (1934–1987)
Out of office. Permanently.
lost an argument with gravity, and gravity was not even trying
Montgomery Quaverstone (1962–2043)
This was not part of the five-year plan.
was politely disqualified from life for excessive stubbornness
Cuthbert Wafflesworth (1920–1984)
They never did read the fine print.
lost a fight with a self-assembling bookshelf
Bertrand Wafflesworth (1948–2037)
This was, in fact, not fine.
wandered into an escape room and, poetically, never escaped
Olwen Underwiggle (1954–2021)
Snoozed one too many times.
tripped over their own dramatic exit
Leopold Fenwickle (1950–2002)
Left on read, by the universe.
was crushed by the sheer disappointment of a series finale
Zebulon Higglesworth (1927–1977)
Told you they weren't feeling well.
was politely asked to leave this mortal plane
Yolanda Ogglethorpe (1955–2035)
Autocorrected out of existence.
tripped headfirst into a cautionary tale
Jebediah Pickleworth (1932–1964)
They finally stopped multitasking.
lost a fight with a self-assembling bookshelf
Quintessa Zipperbeck (1943–2004)
Told you they weren't feeling well.
tripped over their own legend
Nehemiah Wafflesworth (1942–1995)
Gone, but the group chat lives on.
wandered off mid-lecture and achieved permanent tenure elsewhere
Unity Dandersnatch (1942–2027)
Beat the traffic, for once.
perished mid-nap, achieving their life's dream
Yvette Crumbleigh (1970–2064)
Officially out of chances.
died mid-sentence explaining why they were "totally fine"
Wynifred Jumblesworth (1916–1964)
They said "see you later." Bold of them.
was undone by their own "reply all"
Zebulon Jangleworth (1944–2039)
No notes.
was outsmarted by a "Are you still watching?" prompt
Sherwood Chortlesby (1917–1976)
Never did find the other sock.
succumbed to chronic main character energy
Xiomara Hootenanny (1955–2012)
Retired undefeated, mostly by default.
was outlived by their houseplants, out of spite
Theodore Bramblewick (1969–2033)
Their last words doubled as their best joke.
wandered into a Terms & Conditions and did not return