Phineas Cobblewhistle (1965–2015)
Officially out of chances.
tripped over a metaphor and landed in a literal ditch
Departures
Showing 1–20 of 67 departures
Nerissa Muddlecombe (1952–2012)
The Wi-Fi password dies with them.
succumbed to an aggressive case of "well, actually"
Kenelm Winklebottom (1962–1995)
Their alarm is still going off somewhere.
crushed by an unread terms-of-service agreement
Xavier Knucklebeck (1913–1976)
The Wi-Fi password dies with them.
was struck by a falling houseplant, which felt personally targeted
Imogen Quibblesworth (1961–2018)
Still five minutes late to this.
was politely disqualified from life for excessive stubbornness
Quentin Muddlecombe (1959–1991)
Out of office. Permanently.
perished attempting a TikTok dance well past their prime
Edwina Rumpelforth (1925–1955)
They finally got some peace and quiet.
fell into a sinkhole shaped suspiciously like regret
Seymour Wanglesworth (1954–1978)
Their patience finally ran out, then so did they.
was outlived by their houseplants, out of spite
Osbert Wobblesnitch (1973–2016)
Their houseplants outlived their warranty.
was ambushed by a well-timed plot twist in their own life
Sunniva Wigglesworth (1951–2027)
The Wi-Fi password dies with them.
choked on the last word of a crossword puzzle
Dagwood Fenwickle (1965–2058)
Officially out of chances.
tripped over a garden gnome with questionable intentions
Gideon Wrinklefield (1904–1951)
They never returned that one favor.
was crushed under the weight of a single unread Slack thread
Josiah Wafflebury (1935–1969)
Snoozed one too many times.
perished while insisting the map was wrong, not them
Cordelia Snickerbottom (1950–2032)
Gone before the encore.
succumbed to a fatal case of "I'll do it tomorrow"
Yolanda Dandersnatch (1924–1995)
This wasn't the plan, but it'll do.
was defeated by a jar of pickles with a very tight lid
Archibald Jigglesworth (1972–2057)
Achievement unlocked: eternal rest.
wandered into an infomercial and simply never came back
Euphemia Tattlesworth (1954–1984)
The remote is still lost. So are they.
perished attempting to parallel park on the first try
Jasper Vexington (1933–1967)
Finally unsubscribed.
was undone by a Wi-Fi password they could never remember
Rosamund Tumbledown (1961–2047)
Now permanently on airplane mode.
was crushed under the weight of a single unread Slack thread
Gustave Fizzlewhistle (1970–2024)
Officially out of chances.
was defeated by a jar of pickles with a very tight lid