Jasper Vexington
Finally unsubscribed.
| Born | a gray day in 1933, probably |
|---|---|
| Died | 1967, rather abruptly |
| Cause | was undone by a Wi-Fi password they could never remember |
| Survived by | A rivalry with the mail carrier, unresolved |
With their opinions still very much unresolved, we regretfully announce Jasper Vexington, aged 34. They once beat a video game they'd been stuck on for eleven years, then never played again. They are survived by a rescue dog who rescued absolutely no one.