Seymour Wanglesworth
Their patience finally ran out, then so did they.
| Born | a sweltering day in 1954, probably |
|---|---|
| Died | 1978, rather abruptly |
| Cause | was outlived by their houseplants, out of spite |
| Survived by | A garden gnome missing one arm and most of its dignity |
It is with mixed emotions and an unfinished crossword that we report the passing of Seymour Wanglesworth, aged 24. Their signature dish was something nobody ever finished, including them. They are survived by a rivalry with the mail carrier, unresolved.