Gideon Wrinklefield
They never returned that one favor.
| Born | a muggy day in 1904, probably |
|---|---|
| Died | 1951, rather abruptly |
| Cause | was crushed under the weight of a single unread Slack thread |
| Survived by | A lifetime membership to a gym they never visited |
After a spirited, ultimately unsuccessful negotiation with mortality, Gideon Wrinklefield, aged 47. Their idea of "just browsing" cost them more than actual shopping trips. They are survived by an unreasonably large jar of pennies.