Archibald Jigglesworth
Achievement unlocked: eternal rest.
| Born | a humid day in 1972, probably |
|---|---|
| Died | 2057, rather abruptly |
| Cause | wandered into an infomercial and simply never came back |
| Survived by | One deeply unimpressed houseguest |
With the porch light still on and the door unlocked, as always, Archibald Jigglesworth, aged 85. They never once admitted to being wrong, and went out exactly the same way. They are survived by a very patient dentist who saw them twice a decade.