In Memoriam

Ignatius Wrinklefield

Left the oven on, and this world.

Born	a crisp day in 1926, probably
Died	1980, rather abruptly
Cause	wandered into a Terms & Conditions and did not return
Survived by	Three ex-roommates who are, frankly, relieved

It is with a bewildering mix of sorrow and mild confusion that we announce the passing of Ignatius Wrinklefield, aged 54. They will be remembered for their unshakable confidence in bad decisions. They are survived by a loyal cat who never once respected them.

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

1. Wayne T. writes:

“They owed me twenty bucks. I guess we're even now.”
2. Trevor S. writes:

“A legend. A menace. Occasionally both at once.”
3. Linda F. writes:

“Signing the guestbook because the group chat asked me to.”
4. Nigel T. writes:

“Flying in from out of state just for the buffet. RIP.”
5. Chad M. writes:

“I'll never forget the time they microwaved fish at the office. Never.”
6. Chad F. writes:

“They said "famous last words" right before saying famous last words.”
7. Opal R. writes:

“They were the group chat's unofficial mayor. Rest easy, sir.”
8. Kevin Y. writes:

“Can't believe they went before paying me back for lunch.”
9. Clyde X. writes:

“They said they'd call me back. Bold claim in retrospect.”
10. Karen N. writes:

“They still have my charger. I want it back.”
11. Janice X. writes:

“RIP to the one who always brought the good snacks.”
12. Frank U. writes:

“Loved them dearly, still want my ladder back.”
13. Jean G. writes:

“RIP to the one who always brought the good snacks.”
14. Priscilla A. writes:

“Signing this guestbook under protest, they still owe me fifty bucks.”
15. Tony D. writes:

“Rest in peace to the last person who understood my jokes.”
16. Warren W. writes:

“I'll miss their truly terrible fantasy football trash talk.”
17. Merle C. writes:

“They never once let me win at cards, and I respected the ruthlessness.”
18. Sal E. writes:

“Honestly thought they'd outlive us all out of spite alone.”
19. Priscilla V. writes:

“Never met anyone so proud of a personal best they set alone.”
20. Helen C. writes:

“RIP to the last person who remembered my birthday without a reminder.”
21. Norman J. writes:

“Condolences aside, does anyone know what happens to their fantasy team now?”
22. Karen O. writes:

“They said they'd never leave the group chat. Well, technically, they didn't.”
23. Earl T. writes:

“Can't believe they went before paying me back for lunch.”
24. Odell L. writes:

“Still owe them an apology. Guess that ship has sailed.”
25. Bea G. writes:

“Their group chat presence cannot be replaced. Please do not try.”
26. Al Q. writes:

“They told the best worst jokes. This one's on them.”
27. Barry D. writes:

“RIP to the last one who could make the whole room laugh on command.”
28. Faye N. writes:

“I'll always remember the parking lot incident. They know which one.”
29. Keith L. writes:

“They were "reply guy" energy incarnate. Miss that.”
30. Toby K. writes:

“Honestly thought they'd outlive us all out of spite alone.”
31. Pam L. writes:

“RIP to the one person who actually read the terms and conditions.”
32. Ollie O. writes:

“They owed me twenty bucks. I guess we're even now.”
33. Skip Q. writes:

“They'd want a moment of silence, then immediate gossip. Let's begin.”
34. Carol S. writes:

“They promised the group chat a reunion. Guess we're having one now.”
35. Grady C. writes:

“They said "famous last words" right before saying famous last words.”
36. Nadia D. writes:

“Rest in peace to the last honest man at the used car lot.”
37. Franny M. writes:

“They said "famous last words" right before saying famous last words.”
38. Walt J. writes:

“I still owe them for that bet. Consider it a wash.”
39. Nelda G. writes:

“Never once saw them lose an argument, mostly because they never stopped talking.”
40. Grant Z. writes:

“Never once saw them lose an argument, mostly because they never stopped talking.”
41. Ike I. writes:

“Condolences, truly, but also does anyone know the Wi-Fi password now?”
42. Nigel C. writes:

“Their karaoke rendition lives on in several restraining orders. RIP.”
43. Jerry K. writes:

“They were the group chat's unofficial mayor. Rest easy, sir.”
44. Frank W. writes:

“They'd want us to argue about this at the reception. Say less.”
45. Linda X. writes:

“Condolences aside, does anyone know what happens to their fantasy team now?”

Ignatius Wrinklefield

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

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