In Memoriam

Yolanda Tootlesnout

Their houseplants outlived their warranty.

Born	a aggressively sunny day in 1960, probably
Died	1986, rather abruptly
Cause	was outlasted by a fruit fly in a battle of wills
Survived by	An unfinished jigsaw puzzle of the Eiffel Tower

It is with a confusing blend of grief and relief that we share news of Yolanda Tootlesnout, aged 26. They once talked their way out of a parking ticket using pure charisma. They are survived by a very patient dentist who saw them twice a decade.

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

1. Sharon U. writes:

“I'll miss our weekly arguments about absolutely nothing.”
2. Ike N. writes:

“Flying in from out of state just for the buffet. RIP.”
3. Grant J. writes:

“This is why you always double check the group chat before making plans.”
4. Chip E. writes:

“Condolences, truly, but also does anyone know the Wi-Fi password now?”
5. Norman Q. writes:

“This explains why they didn't show up to book club.”
6. Keith K. writes:

“They said "watch this" right before this happened, allegedly.”
7. Wilma M. writes:

“Never once returned a borrowed tool, and somehow that's endearing now.”
8. Sharon T. writes:

“They told the same three stories at every party. Miss those stories.”
9. Kirk N. writes:

“They said they'd never sell the boat. The boat remains unsold, at least.”
10. Karen F. writes:

“They promised me their record collection. Following up on that.”
11. Ollie W. writes:

“Still waiting on that group photo they promised to send.”
12. Tammi Q. writes:

“Miss them most during the annual argument about the thermostat.”
13. Vern X. writes:

“They were banned from karaoke night and never once apologized.”
14. Nigel L. writes:

“They promised the group chat a reunion. Guess we're having one now.”
15. Ira M. writes:

“Still can't believe they never returned my drill.”
16. Vince O. writes:

“This is why you always double check the group chat before making plans.”
17. Grady Y. writes:

“They'd want a moment of silence, then immediate gossip. Let's begin.”
18. Ronald U. writes:

“They said they'd slow down eventually. Bold of them to lie like that.”
19. Vern E. writes:

“Loved them dearly, still want my ladder back.”
20. Merle C. writes:

“Still owe them an apology. Guess that ship has sailed.”
21. Neil C. writes:

“They were banned from karaoke night and never once apologized.”

Yolanda Tootlesnout

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

Sign the Guestbook