In Memoriam

Thaddeus Knobblesworth

Their browser history remains a mystery, thankfully.

Born	a sticky day in 1973, probably
Died	2045, rather abruptly
Cause	perished while attempting to prove a point nobody asked about
Survived by	A lifetime membership to a gym they never visited

In the middle of an otherwise ordinary Tuesday, the universe took Thaddeus Knobblesworth, aged 72. They collected commemorative spoons for reasons nobody, including them, could explain. They are survived by a coupon collection spanning several decades.

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

1. Nigel P. writes:

“The last text they sent me was just three exclamation points. Iconic to the end.”
2. Dale S. writes:

“They were the only one who laughed at my terrible puns. RIP to that.”
3. Trudy X. writes:

“They said they had "a guy" for everything. RIP to the guy's biggest client.”
4. Chip U. writes:

“I'll never forget the time they microwaved fish at the office. Never.”
5. Lyle A. writes:

“Still can't believe they left mid-argument. Classic.”
6. Larry I. writes:

“Still can't believe they never returned my drill.”
7. Grant X. writes:

“RIP to the only person who understood the office printer.”
8. Kyle R. writes:

“They told the same three stories at every party. Miss those stories.”
9. Merle H. writes:

“Still can't believe they left before finishing the story. Typical.”
10. Fern C. writes:

“They promised to pay me back "next payday" for over a decade.”
11. Oscar L. writes:

“I'm only here because they'd have wanted witnesses.”
12. Andy J. writes:

“Never forget them heckling the ref at every single game.”
13. Terry O. writes:

“They said they'd slow down eventually. Bold of them to lie like that.”
14. Kevin C. writes:

“Never once saw them lose an argument, mostly because they never stopped talking.”
15. Stanley F. writes:

“RIP to the one who always brought the good snacks.”
16. Tex Q. writes:

“Their last words to me were "hold my drink." I'm still holding it.”
17. Kathy D. writes:

“They said "famous last words" right before saying famous last words.”
18. Ursula N. writes:

“Their karaoke rendition lives on in several restraining orders. RIP.”
19. Ernie D. writes:

“RIP to the one person who could parallel park on the first try.”
20. Lois S. writes:

“They promised to teach me their secret recipe. Guess it's secret forever.”
21. Ollie K. writes:

“They were banned from karaoke night and never once apologized.”
22. Wanda X. writes:

“They still have my charger. I want it back.”
23. Kirk G. writes:

“Signing the guestbook because the group chat asked me to.”
24. Rex Z. writes:

“This explains the very strange voicemail they left me last week.”
25. Bea N. writes:

“I inherited their unfinished crossword. Still stuck on 14 across.”
26. Della F. writes:

“Miss them already, mostly during trivia night.”
27. Harold E. writes:

“Never a dull moment. Except now, apparently.”
28. Deb F. writes:

“Never forget them insisting the map app was wrong, every single time.”

Thaddeus Knobblesworth

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

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