In Memoriam

Mildred Higglethorpe

They saw the glass as half full, then knocked it over.

Born	a breezy day in 1938, probably
Died	1973, rather abruptly
Cause	perished mid-nap, achieving their life's dream
Survived by	An ongoing dispute with a rival trivia team

It is with equal parts sorrow and mild scheduling inconvenience that we announce Mildred Higglethorpe, aged 35. Their idea of punctuality meant arriving exactly as things were ending. They are survived by a rivalry with a vending machine, now permanently unresolved.

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

1. Lois M. writes:

“RIP to the last person who remembered my birthday without a reminder.”
2. Marge B. writes:

“I still have their casserole dish. Someone come get it.”
3. Verna H. writes:

“Rest easy. Or don't. Not my problem anymore.”
4. Trudy S. writes:

“Honestly this tracks. They lived like there was no tomorrow, and, well.”
5. Ivan K. writes:

“Never once returned a borrowed tool, and somehow that's endearing now.”
6. Nigel A. writes:

“They said "watch this" right before this happened, allegedly.”
7. Vinnie T. writes:

“Rest easy. Or don't. Not my problem anymore.”
8. Warren M. writes:

“Honestly did not see this coming, and I say that as someone who saw everything coming.”
9. Jolene B. writes:

“RIP to the last person who remembered my birthday without a reminder.”
10. Elton Q. writes:

“This explains the very strange voicemail they left me last week.”
11. Chester C. writes:

“They'd want us to argue about this at the reception. Say less.”
12. Kathy B. writes:

“RIP to the one who always finished the office snacks first.”
13. Sherry Z. writes:

“Gone but never fully explained.”
14. Grady W. writes:

“Still can't believe they left before finishing the story. Typical.”
15. Vic I. writes:

“Their karaoke rendition lives on in several restraining orders. RIP.”
16. Harold Q. writes:

“Never met anyone who could argue with a GPS quite like them.”
17. Ora W. writes:

“They told the same three stories at every party. Miss those stories.”
18. Rita I. writes:

“Condolences aside, does anyone know what happens to their fantasy team now?”
19. Wanda O. writes:

“They said they'd call me back. Bold claim in retrospect.”
20. Opal N. writes:

“Never a dull moment. Except now, apparently.”
21. Nigel B. writes:

“Still waiting on the money they "definitely" Venmo'd me.”
22. Trevor S. writes:

“Condolences to the family, and also to their unfinished fantasy draft.”
23. Nelda L. writes:

“They said they had "a guy" for everything. RIP to the guy's biggest client.”
24. Franny I. writes:

“They said they'd slow down eventually. Bold of them to lie like that.”
25. Wayne W. writes:

“Condolences, truly, but also does anyone know the Wi-Fi password now?”
26. Carol Q. writes:

“Loved them dearly, still want my ladder back.”

Mildred Higglethorpe

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

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