Serving the Departed Since Whenever

The Goodbye World Gazette

« De Mortuis Nil Nisi Absurdum »

Vol. I · No. 1 Late Edition Thursday, August 6, 2026 Price: One Thin Dime

In Memoriam

Lucian Zestington

Went out swinging, missed.

Borna breezy day in 1908, probably
Died1966, rather abruptly
Causewandered off to "check on something" decades ago and technically never returned
Survived bySeveral overdue library fines, inherited by no one in particular

It is with equal parts sorrow and mild scheduling inconvenience that we announce Lucian Zestington, aged 58. Their strongest opinion concerned the correct way to load a dishwasher. They are survived by one deeply unimpressed houseguest.

Guestbook — Letters to the Departed

  1. 1. Clyde D. writes:

    “They never once admitted defeat, and I respect the commitment.”

  2. 2. Bonnie S. writes:

    “They said they had "a guy" for everything. RIP to the guy's biggest client.”

  3. 3. A. Hole writes:

    “Good person. Bad try.”

  4. 4. C. Moore writes:

    “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”

Sign the Guestbook